And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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