Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize