So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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