I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
