TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize