My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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