I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
