lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
