I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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