he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize