I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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