I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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