he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i believe in u and ur pee
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