Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
