I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
