I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
