i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
