Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
