We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
