I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
