i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
