lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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