Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
