In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
