"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize