Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
