I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
