why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
