my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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