wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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