i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Alive.
So much puke
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
