its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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