and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
