Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize