My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
