one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
