This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
These tits shall not be calmed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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