Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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