8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
