im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
how can u be prego again
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize