can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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