We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
