i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
