There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have fence marks all over my body
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
