who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
