is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
