new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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