I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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