Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
