New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
