Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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