i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
4 words: hood of his car
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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