dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
