Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
