dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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