ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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