ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
