i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
