ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
