3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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