i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
