JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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