that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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