I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
