Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
