1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
