my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize