i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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