You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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