Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
