just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
