We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
