There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
