Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize