Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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