physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
