Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
